Sunday, December 31, 2006

"new", I like the sound of that.

It takes a lot of energy to be open. It takes so little to shut down to a new idea, leave it unexamined and stand pat with the hand you hold- and I don't mean human. I am beginning to understand that it may take more energy to deal with the fallout from that attitude. At this age I can see that I have missed so much by not realizing sooner that I was responsible for so many of the blocks that I thought were put there by others. And people have missed knowing me. That takes a lot of "new attitude" to write. That I know I truly have something to offer and by allowing insecurity in any guise to keep me from letting my self out is a disservice to all concerned.
That written, it will be interesting to look back one year from now and see what changes this appreciation of "new" have manifested.
stand back, here I come.....
Thanks for reading,

Thursday, December 28, 2006

A Time of Excess

During this time of year I feel like a child who is overstimulated and can't focus on anything for too long. I like winter because it gives me permission to embrace my hermit side, but that doesn't happen until after the holiday season ends on January 2nd. Starting with Thanksgiving there is the season of excess: too much of everything except time. Every year it takes me by surprise and every year I promise myself to make the changes necessary to smooth the passage. And I do to some extent. But I can tell you honestly today that I have a long way to go before I sail through this time on calm waters. My two biggest lessons are staying in the moment and taking care of myself.
I am at a party and I am talking to someone and in my head runs a steady stream of things that have nothing to do with the real time conversation. Besides being unfair to the other person it is exhausting and prevents me from truly hearing what is being said. So, goal #1- be here now (the mind version). React from my present self.
Ok, I am at that same party. I am eating really good ________. It is so good that I want more and hey, it is the holiday season and who knows when food like this will come my way again so having even more seems like a smart idea. Why is it that my taste buds are better than the rest of me about being here now? Keep this up and there will be more of me to be here now. So, goal #2- not to deny myself completely but to be able to judge what is comfortably enough. Guess that makes it Be Here Now, the stomach version.
Well, I feel better.
Thanks for reading.

Monday, December 11, 2006

The Healing Perspective

High emotion distorts reality. I am the only one who is this busy or so it may seem. That I chose most of what is sitting on my plate is something for me to remember. There is great power in remembering that what is happening is the result of my past choices. May I remember next year that this is NOT the time for any extra appointments that may wait. I can certainly come up with a list, without even being coerced, about all the things that are getting in the way of my being peaceful, grateful and happy. And the point of that exercise?
Who was it who said to not sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff? How true!
Thanks for reading-

Saturday, December 9, 2006

Accentuate the Positive

Well we can't always eliminate the negative but I am learning that I do have more power to choose how I react. Maybe I am late to coming to this ability, but I am grateful to be at this place at all. And nothing tests our emotions like the heavy duty holidays. Whatever the emotional frequency, holidays turn up the volume.
Years ago (1972 to be exact) I took a course in Silva Mind Control. It was all about using your mind in positive ways with an emphasis on meditation and using affirmations. One of my favorites was "Positive thought give me benefits and advantages I desire." Pretty basic stuff, right? And yet years later I still struggle with my tendency to run dark thoughts. I can forget that I have a choice if I feel the need to stay mired in my pattern of feeling undeserving. And dark thoughts can be pretty draining.
One surprising thing that has happened as I am changing and things are definitely getting better, is my resistance to giving up the old and familiar. I guess it should come as no surprise that years of conditioning don't evaporate overnight. The best part of being older is the perspective that can be harnessed to motivate change. I have years of the old behavior to know what the outcome will be without a new emotional MO. Far worse than the fear of the unfamilar is the image of me in the future unchanged.
Thanks for reading

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Family, the Original "F" Word

I didn't write my title. I wish I had. It was written by a good friend Skye Alexander who moved from Rockport to Texas. I used to be able to walk to her house. It is a great line and brings me to the topic which is on my mind- tomorrows' holiday. It seem that starting on Thanksgiving and for the month after, the volume of all of my emotions is turned up. The concept of a "normal" day is out the window. Because I am selling my jewelry the next month is a time of reckoning or should I say "wreckening". Every year I make small changes toward making things less stressful. By the time I am 86 things should be hunky dory. But back to tomorrow and family. I am going to my Dad's house. It will be a small group which I like. But being with my family is like walking across a mine field. My Mother died over 5 years ago and it was her personality that set the tone for the family. I am sure her paranoia and anixiety would be diagnosed as something today, but they created an envoirnment that didn't foster trust which is a stepping stone to love. I am sad for her that she never was able to relax and enjoy herself. And tomorrow I will be sure to be in the moment and not react with childhood patterns learned long ago.
Ah, I feel better.
I wish you all a peaceful holiday.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Losing my Blogger Virginity

I have wanted to do this for a long time. Something always got in the way. I have friends and people I have never met whose blogs I read regularly. I have even developed the habit of thinking about something and musing what an interesting blog topic it would make. And, of course, there are those topics that I wonder how it would be to write about on such a public platform. So the time has come (and gone a few times) to just jump in and let the chips and comments fall where they may.
I would be interested in hearing from (finally) fellow bloggers about their experiences and how they may have differed from what was expected. In the times to come I expect to focus on my creative ventures, But how can I talk about that part of me and not include the emotions behind the creations?
I have a housemate who will post from time to time and we both are fond of all things fiber. My house is across the street from Folly Cove. Hence the name of the blog.
And, as they say at the Rockport dump ( I swear it's true), come back soon.