Thursday, March 26, 2009

Charity Knitting Convergence March 28th

What a great title for the day! Katy was only a few sentences into pitching her event and I knew I had to be there. Featuring the Nightingale Knitters who knit year round to raise funds for Infant Leukemia the day is geared toward bringing together volunteers and beneficiaries. So come see me at the Peabody Institute Library at 15 Sylvan Street in Danvers. The free event runs from 10-4. Come get help on an UFO, learn to turn a heel or make a pompom.
Call Katy Carlin at 978-777-0092 for more information.
Blog On!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Alone Again, Naturally

About three and a half years ago I was so stuck in my life. I had felt that way for sometime but could not figure out how to get free. I had known Maureen for about fifteen years and heard she was looking for a place to move to. Although I had never had a female housemate, the timing made it seem like a good solution all around.
I had always thought that until you could live alone and truly enjoy your own company, you were not an adult. I now believe that my stuckness was that result of living alone too long. Too long being able to go out into the world for brief stints that never loosened my social mask. Living with someone means that eventually someone gets to see the real you. I can now say with great relief that I bless Maureen for not taking a picture of me for this blog when I had fallen asleep. Many times I would drift off fully clothed, (yet under the covers) during a crime drama marathon, the finished bowl of popcorn still balanced on my stomach, several cats draped over me like the clocks in the famous Salvatore Dali painting. I would like to think that were the situation reversed I would have the same sense of fair play.
I developed the oddest behavior. I have no idea where it came from. I always asked her opinion of the outfit I had on before I left. Truthfully, sometimes she asked me to change.
About a month ago she found a wonderful job and apartment. So now I am here alone. I loved living alone before so I had no problem with the transition. But I have learned allot about myself. Things you can't learn unless you bump against yourself and know you are being watched. I have heard it said that just having an observer changes the outcome of an experiment. I feel that is true. What I know with certainty is that I was stuck before and I am more creative now than I have ever been. I now know that I am a flexible person.
So that is the reason for the singular "Freak" in the blog title. I just thought it should be explained.
Blog On!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

One Year Has Passed - Jon Wind 1952- 2008

This time last year I had no idea that the next morning my brother, Jon would die. But my actions over the last year have been profoundly affected by his sudden death from a heart attack at 56. Reading in his autopsy report that he had, unknown to all of us, emphysema (along with severe heart disease and coronary artery disease) somehow helped me to begin to feel the same relief for him that I had for my Dad's passing just a few months before. To be sure, my Dad had years of physical and mental limitations that thwarted joy and peace. He also had almost thirty two years more life on this Earth. But Jon's normal life would have been rescripted as diagnosis bumped up against daily life. Now I don't assume longevity to be a "be all and not end all" of goals. What I do see is that many of the things that hold me back are "luxuries" I can no longer afford. My brother was not able to make changes. He was not going to stop smoking, change his diet or see himself as capable as he was.
I admit it's weird, but I have this vision of getting to the pearly gates where I am seated in a reclining chair and made really comfy. There is a super TV and a DVD is inserted which starts right into the main piece without the usual long drawn out boring promotions. Quickly I realize that the theme is what my life could have been had I only pushed a little harder against my fears and insecurities.
That image has helped me to ride out the period of discomfort that always (for me) happens when I redefine myself. Discomfort is not pleaseant but it is a small price to pay for growth.
Blog On!