"new", I like the sound of that.

It takes a lot of energy to be open. It takes so little to shut down to a new idea, leave it unexamined and stand pat with the hand you hold- and I don't mean human. I am beginning to understand that it may take more energy to deal with the fallout from that attitude. At this age I can see that I have missed so much by not realizing sooner that I was responsible for so many of the blocks that I thought were put there by others. And people have missed knowing me. That takes a lot of "new attitude" to write. That I know I truly have something to offer and by allowing insecurity in any guise to keep me from letting my self out is a disservice to all concerned.
That written, it will be interesting to look back one year from now and see what changes this appreciation of "new" have manifested.
stand back, here I come.....
Thanks for reading,
Leslie

A Time of Excess

During this time of year I feel like a child who is overstimulated and can't focus on anything for too long. I like winter because it gives me permission to embrace my hermit side, but that doesn't happen until after the holiday season ends on January 2nd. Starting with Thanksgiving there is the season of excess: too much of everything except time. Every year it takes me by surprise and every year I promise myself to make the changes necessary to smooth the passage. And I do to some extent. But I can tell you honestly today that I have a long way to go before I sail through this time on calm waters. My two biggest lessons are staying in the moment and taking care of myself.
I am at a party and I am talking to someone and in my head runs a steady stream of things that have nothing to do with the real time conversation. Besides being unfair to the other person it is exhausting and prevents me from truly hearing what is being said. So, goal #1- be here now (the mind version). React from my present self.
Ok, I am at that same party. I am eating really good ________. It is so good that I want more and hey, it is the holiday season and who knows when food like this will come my way again so having even more seems like a smart idea. Why is it that my taste buds are better than the rest of me about being here now? Keep this up and there will be more of me to be here now. So, goal #2- not to deny myself completely but to be able to judge what is comfortably enough. Guess that makes it Be Here Now, the stomach version.
Well, I feel better.
Thanks for reading.

The Healing Perspective

High emotion distorts reality. I am the only one who is this busy or so it may seem. That I chose most of what is sitting on my plate is something for me to remember. There is great power in remembering that what is happening is the result of my past choices. May I remember next year that this is NOT the time for any extra appointments that may wait. I can certainly come up with a list, without even being coerced, about all the things that are getting in the way of my being peaceful, grateful and happy. And the point of that exercise?
Who was it who said to not sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff? How true!
Thanks for reading-
Leslie

Accentuate the Positive

Well we can't always eliminate the negative but I am learning that I do have more power to choose how I react. Maybe I am late to coming to this ability, but I am grateful to be at this place at all. And nothing tests our emotions like the heavy duty holidays. Whatever the emotional frequency, holidays turn up the volume.
Years ago (1972 to be exact) I took a course in Silva Mind Control. It was all about using your mind in positive ways with an emphasis on meditation and using affirmations. One of my favorites was "Positive thought give me benefits and advantages I desire." Pretty basic stuff, right? And yet years later I still struggle with my tendency to run dark thoughts. I can forget that I have a choice if I feel the need to stay mired in my pattern of feeling undeserving. And dark thoughts can be pretty draining.
One surprising thing that has happened as I am changing and things are definitely getting better, is my resistance to giving up the old and familiar. I guess it should come as no surprise that years of conditioning don't evaporate overnight. The best part of being older is the perspective that can be harnessed to motivate change. I have years of the old behavior to know what the outcome will be without a new emotional MO. Far worse than the fear of the unfamilar is the image of me in the future unchanged.
Thanks for reading
Leslie