Thursday, March 5, 2009

Alone Again, Naturally

About three and a half years ago I was so stuck in my life. I had felt that way for sometime but could not figure out how to get free. I had known Maureen for about fifteen years and heard she was looking for a place to move to. Although I had never had a female housemate, the timing made it seem like a good solution all around.
I had always thought that until you could live alone and truly enjoy your own company, you were not an adult. I now believe that my stuckness was that result of living alone too long. Too long being able to go out into the world for brief stints that never loosened my social mask. Living with someone means that eventually someone gets to see the real you. I can now say with great relief that I bless Maureen for not taking a picture of me for this blog when I had fallen asleep. Many times I would drift off fully clothed, (yet under the covers) during a crime drama marathon, the finished bowl of popcorn still balanced on my stomach, several cats draped over me like the clocks in the famous Salvatore Dali painting. I would like to think that were the situation reversed I would have the same sense of fair play.
I developed the oddest behavior. I have no idea where it came from. I always asked her opinion of the outfit I had on before I left. Truthfully, sometimes she asked me to change.
About a month ago she found a wonderful job and apartment. So now I am here alone. I loved living alone before so I had no problem with the transition. But I have learned allot about myself. Things you can't learn unless you bump against yourself and know you are being watched. I have heard it said that just having an observer changes the outcome of an experiment. I feel that is true. What I know with certainty is that I was stuck before and I am more creative now than I have ever been. I now know that I am a flexible person.
So that is the reason for the singular "Freak" in the blog title. I just thought it should be explained.
Blog On!


Unknown said...

Well, as someone who has lived alone most of my adult life, I admire your flexibility. I doubt I have it. But, by the same token, I've always thought that living alone was the best choice for someone who spends as much time in their own little world as I do!

Let's face it, we are all different --- ain't it great?

Chris said...

I'm quite happy for Maureen but I'll miss her here!!! I hope your creativity continues to soar!

carol l mckenna said...

One may live alone ~ but one is never truly alone ~ the spirits of those that loved us and have passed on to another planet~ are"watching over us"~ Trust in the Universe you are right where you belong ~ Creating and being a strong,resilient woman ~ Hugs and namaste,

Mo said...

Hey, here I am, over here (waves hands). Leslie, when you're getting dressed, just ask yourself these two questions, "Would Maureen tell me these pants are too short? And would Katrina tell me these pants make my rear look big?" (Note: Leslie does NOT have a large derriere, just sometimes hand-me-down pants that create that optical illusion.)

Leslie, thanks for not taking pictures of me drooling onto my pillow or staggering out at 2AM carrying the elderly bull terrier.

Message to the felines: I haven't gone far and can still come back to kick cat butt.

Someday when I have better computer access, I'll set up my own blog. May I announce it here?

BTheChange said...

It's wonderfully strange, isn't it Leslie, that our paths can cover the same territory even though we're miles apart. I am flourishing in the 'bumping into myself' that marriage has occasioned, writing more, laughing more, loving more. I was looking for you on Facebook and Twitter and found this in the meantime. You are a blessing to more than me! Love, Karencita


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