My "fieneighbor" (friend + neighbor, not that you didn't figure it out), Sue, always gives me a heads up when the Gloucester Temple has their musical shabbat services. She alluded to this week's Friday night service as being special. The guest was running late due to traffic. The service was going along as usual: wonderful music and community spirit. Enter Joshua Nelson.
He bills himself as the "Prince of Kosher Gospel" and if you can picture yourself going to central casting to fulfill that character you are right on target. There were a few moments spent setting up his keyboard and getting him and his singing partner set up. And then he opens his mouth and out comes a voice that truly almost knocked me out of my seat! It was not just the greatness of the sound but also the complete release of what he had within him backed with the power of knowing who he is and his surity behind that knowledge. I want that.
It has taken me to now to fully understand the cost of growing up in a critical environment. Since my main goal for this time of my life is to rewire my emotional responses I am taking time to feel when discomfort arises and follow it back to it's origins. So often I come to understand how that life long response was built on the insecurity of adults around me.
With that understanding comes the responsibility to update to a healthier attitude.